


let's not

by philippcarlyle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Stream of Consciousness, Unrequited Love, based on a role-playing game, based on two characters from me and a friend, i love these two so much, kinda like two OCs, so one is mine and the other is borrowed, there is no actual relationship yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philippcarlyle/pseuds/philippcarlyle
Summary: This is a stream of consciousness.He is a soft-hearted idiot in love with a broken, sharp edged boy.
Relationships: Him/I
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Don't know how you found this, I just wanted to put this work somewhere as I am rather proud of it and wanted it to be somewhere permanently.  
> If you somehow got interested, I recommend listening to dark, moody music while reading.

Can we talk about what we can’t talk about? The things I don’t want to say and you don’t care to think? Can we stop talking and feel instead? You’re not one for feelings or touching. All I feel is cold and bored, I don’t want to be bored. It’s hot with you, the not-touches burning, your words scorching, my lungs ablazed. I should quit smoking.

When I’m with you, I don’t, because you don’t like it. But you don’t want me so does it really matter? I want to quit and I don’t want to quit you. Can you quit something you never had in the first place? Probably not. I’d burn the receipt with my lighter to keep you. Can’t you just stay? I don’t need a reason to like you, to be infatuated, to melt. Burning down like the last not crumbled cigarette in my packet filled with black roses. Flowers and skulls spread all over my body, covering my skin and revealing my heart. Don’t you know they’re my way of fighting? Words hurt more than swords and teeth, trust me, darling. I don’t care for knives, I care for your hands in my hair. 

I want to talk about that, the burning, the searing desire. I know you feel it, I heard you drunk at night. Kiss me again, we don’t need to talk. Taking care of each others wounds, I can see the bruises in your eyes. Harsh tongue, fuming gaze, I know you say you hate me. Don’t talk, I’m not concerned by your lies and I don’t want your truths. Beam us to that place that doesn’t exist. Big cities make me smile but you singe even the brightest lights.

Take me to your dark place, to the black creatures in the woods. Let’s talk about my demons and how you don’t have to be the villain. Do you believe in heroes? I do, but not like you. So, let’s hide in the forest, erase all traces and lie with the foxes and wolves. Treat our smudged hearts. Smear our ashes into the earth. Let me caress those scars on your skin and mind, climb on burnt trees to see nothing except darkness and sharp smiles. Can we stop biting and start adoring? There are no villains nor any heroes. Close your eyes and let me worship you. I don’t need to touch you, just need to hold you close, don’t let go. Carve our names into every surface, we’re two young gods. Do you feel lost? I’ve got a ruined compass that rules my heart and feet, let’s wander shattered paths. Did you get rid of our tracks? 

Can we stop talking and feel instead? My words are blades and I am terrified. I don’t like my thoughts in sunlight, can only live in blacks and blues. Make me stumble, force the darkness away - is it you or is it me? Believe me, I can fight and I know what’s right, we are just two burnt edges of a blank page. Write my name and I’ll write yours, connect the words, it will feel like a stroke. Kissing your shadow, tumbling into the void. 

There is no going back. You are my ecstasy, care to ease the storm? The whirlwind in my mind is driving me insane. Calm down in the woodland, purr the magical words. Believe, we can be gods, ethereal, foul. Lighting a fire inside and burning my cigarettes. I scratch the blood away while the tea cools. Join me in my blacks and blues, paint them red and kiss me mad. Don’t be mad, don’t leave me here. I can stop and listen while you keep silent, let’s drink the forest tea and gaze at distant stars in our eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happened. How do you apologize for loving someone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/track/6CnXcjsNmdzh5aUfnxgcQb?si=eKp4cuPNSoqmhDCKkDHXrw
> 
> Welcome back to another stream of consciousness from my idiotic OC who's still in love with someone who'd rather eat glass than accept affeciton.

I’m so sorry. I pride myself on being a good listener. What good is a listener if he doesn’t act on what he’s heard? Voice, eyes and hands tell me to keep off. But you are my nicotine, make me forget the cigarettes. The label, faded, warns me to stay away. Keep a distance, because you can’t feel the way I feel. I’ve never felt more real. You shattered under my touch and I let it happen. Why do my hands want to hold you close when I know this is what breaks you? I should know better. Light a fire, burn my hands. I’d let them sear if it would make it bearable for you to be held. Don’t drown yet, there’s a storm coming. We need to go in different directions. Take me with you to the moon, or better leave me here. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to listen to you and act like you want me to, because I want you.

Your hurting is worse than the ways you try to hurt me. After every push there is a pull, how the hell am I supposed to stay away? We want too much. You don’t want enough, I could give you my world. I don’t care for the scar on my arm, I want to take care of your heart’s wounds. I’m not a healer and I’m not your saviour. There are no heroes but there are no villains either. My world is not a lot to give and if I’m being perfectly honest I cannot give it away. What I mean is, come in. Let’s sit on the roof and watch the storm, feel the same raindrops on our scorched skin, touches so soft they burn. It’s water from the same sky landing on both of us, this could be enough. Just a hint of a touch.

My mind is set on following your rules and respecting your boundaries. But don’t you know, it’s hell when you kiss me? I’m left parched and ruffled yet I can never go further. I’d give my ability to sew, as well as my eyesight, for the chance to hold your hand, just for a minute. Steal a second kiss. Release me from this agony, make the wanting stop. I will never stop wanting you, I already got the taste. Can an addict be in love with his poison? However, you’re not poison, you are venom. Only hurtful when you want to and you’re so tough, you’re so brave. What I ask for, I get. What you tell me, I forget. Turns out, I am the poison. Every clash is followed by running. Why do you keep coming back? I’m addicted and condemned, I will always gravitate back to you, but what about you? Are we two twin stars? Circling, forever and always, caught in the push and pull of our existence. 

A listener who doesn’t respect and act on what he’s heard is a fool. I will apologize to you and I will mean it, because I mean it now. Change is hard and to unlearn touching is sheer impossible. I will try for you. If there’s no trying then what’s an apology worth? Apologies without actions are empty, unfair. We had our pull and I felt like a shooting star, burned, bright, brilliant. Your push - I deserved. You run and I stand, unmoving, all my strings cut, they’re flying away with you. And I am so sorry. Let me make it right next time. Please let there be a next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this second stream of consciousness from one of my OC's. If you liked it, leave a comment! <3


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